What does the word butterfly mean? Dictionary.com says

butterfly

   [buht-er-flahy] Show IPA noun, plural but·ter·flies, verb, but·ter·flied, but·ter·fly·ing, adjective

noun

1.

any of numerous diurnal insects of the order Lepidoptera, characterized by clubbed antennae, a slender body, and large, broad, often conspicuously marked wings.

 

What it doesn't say is that is comes from a caterpillar that makes a cocoon and when it hatches its now a butterfly.

 

I know you are reading this wondering what I am going to talk about.  I will get there just bear with me :)

 

I went to retreat this weekend.  At this retreat I hear God speak very clearly to me.  That this weekend was my weekend as a butterfly.  I started out as a small ugly caterpillar and when I awoke from my slumber in the desert I was a beautiful butterfly. After I awoke any time I was questioning what I was dealing with a butterfly would come into my sight. 

A butterfly is thought to be the sign of a new beginning.   I feel I have a new beginning now.  As place that will take me deeper in my spiritual life than I have ever been before.

 

I am ready to spread my new wings and fly.  I cant wait to see what the Lord has planned for me. Is it a new relationship with my family/my friends? Is it a new relationship with anyone? Or is it just a new loving relationship with God? While I do think its that I am pretty sure that is both of these things. 

I just know that I will sit with my mouth closed, my ears opened, and my heart opened to receive what he has to tell me.

How about you? Are you ready to take the next BIG step in your life??

I know I am ready and this past retreat has taken me to a deeper level than ANY other retreat I have gone on.  This was not ACTS, this was not Highland Lakes.  This was a Pathway.   A pathway that He has had planned for me before I was born. I just haven't wanted to listen in the quietness of my heart to hear until now.

 

Lord, make me what you want me to be.  Let your Love shine through me to others so they may see you and your love in me. Help me be a better daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend.  Help me remember that I will be taken take of, that I can ask for help, and that there is no other place I need to be than where I am right now! Amen...

 

 

 

 

You know your getting older when.....

 When I was younger I don't remember hearing about all the things that happen to you when you get older.  The only thing I remember hearing about is hot flashes. I remember that my mom has several surgeries but was not aware of what they were. I remember seeing other ladies getting older but never "heard" their ailments. Well let me tell you as I am coming on  a milestone birthday of the big 4-0! Ugh 40? really?  am I really That old? I know when I was in my 20's being 40 really was THAT old....now that I am almost there its really NOT that old...right? its not right?  Although I do have say I still smile when I see someone get that old before me.  Even if their b-day is right before mine....

 Now I sit here and wonder are they going through the same things I am? You know like hysterectomy, bladder control issues, bones hurting, being told by the doctor "Well your just not as young as you used to be so it just take more time to heal" and the list can go on and on....

Well this week I went through the next "right of passage" when you discover that when you have bladder issues there really is a difference between a maxi pad and "bladder control" pad.  I look at the pack sitting in my basket and think "Is this as embarrassing to buy than my "monthly necessities"?" My answer was YES because than means I am growing older. 

I know my kids are growing older but does that really MEAN I have to grow old to? Cant I stay in my 20's or 30's for the rest of the year? Come on I know my oldest will turn 20 at his next birthday but do I really have to turn 40? Come on time clock let their clock move and let my slow down to a crawl....Yet I know come August I will turn 40! So  here is a "toast" for those of us who are getting older...that we have survived to live to be 40! That those of us with older children we survived them being teenagers(since that's what we blame our gray hair on-don't get me started on that one LOL) So a toast to those who are crossing into that time of midlife... May we continue to reek havoc to our children.  May we continue to blast those tunes from the 80's and sing to them like it was yesterday! May we continue to address our bladder control and all those midlife crisis and rise up to be an awesome senior citizen(gasp--I said the words) that our children and grandchildren will talk about forever on how "young" we acted even when we are old...Cheers!

God Bless, J

To the world we are one person, to one person we are the world.

I know I know its been a while.

I know its been a while since I have posted.  I just have so much I could talk about but for some reason just don't make the time.  Notice I didn't say have the time.  I guess that really what I will talk about.  I know my time management skills suck....(I said the dreaded word "suck") I can tell you when I worked I was always early and would often work past my shift if I was able to or allowed to.  But since I have no "real" job( a job that I am depended on to work for someone else) my time management sucks.
I am a stay at home mom/wife.  I should be able to say my house is clean, my laundry is all clean, folded, ironed and put away.  That supper is ALWAYS on the table waiting for everyone to get home.  However these things don't usually get done. These things have never been priorities in my life (just ask my ex) I am trying to get better although some points in time are better than others.  I have been trying to do better I really have its just so easy to fall right back into bad habits. As I sit here I see 2 piles of clothes that I washed that still need to be folded and put away. 
I have to tell you what our home motto is : The first time you visit I will clean for you, the next time your family and I don't clean for family. LOL.......Just ask my family they will say its true!( Note please call me before you come over, I love love doing the flight of the bumble bee to clean up before you get here, I really do my best cleaning then)
I say all this because I am still on limited duty from the last surgery I had last week and will be for 5 more weeks and I am DIEING to clean house! Why because I cant, and knowing full well when I can I will just over look the clutter and the mess and shout out over my stuff : MY HOUSE IS LIVED IN and IS NOT A MUSEUM SO ITS NOT CLEAN...or MY HOUSE WAS CLEAN YESTERDAY SORRY YOU MISSED IT!

Its a Slouchy Sock Kind of Day!

You remember those slouchy socks don't you?  Those socks we wore back in the 90's.  When we were teenagers and didn't have a care in the world.  When our parents did stuff for us? That our only responsibility was who's house we were going, what our best friends were doing?  How our football team was doing?  Who was meeting who and where. Meeting up with friends to just "hang out at the mall" and not cause any trouble. 
I know I know I am going back in time, sometimes as a parent I sometimes wish I could go back to when I was a teen when I didn't have a care in the world.  Being a parent is the HARDEST job I have ever done.  We try so hard to make sure we are raising our children the right way and bam we hit the wall of real life.  This wall is when we must let go and let our children fail, let our children fall and let them humble themselves to ask for help.  It is by far the hardest thing we have to do as parents.  I am telling you  its not fun at all.  I have spent many days praying, crying, praying and crying while my children grow and attempt to fall into the "Real world". 
I also pray and cry for forgiveness with my own parents, saying how sorry I am that I did this to them! I am truly sorry for the hell I gave my parents. The guilt I put on myself over my actions to them is a very hard thing to forgive myself about.  I am working on this.  I am trying to forgive myself as my Lord has forgiven me.

I do have hope though.  When I look back at my life my parents instilled in my Christian background.  That even if I wasn't there in spirit I was there physically every time that church door was unlock my parents had us there.  I know I faltered between going and not going.  Getting away from my personal relationship with God that I had as a little girl.  In fact its only been in the last 10 years that I really "got back into church" and really tried to change my life around.  I don't know where I would have ended up while I was going through my divorce and getting clean and sober had it not been for my church family.  I don't know where anyone can get through those things with the LOVE of God.  I might have been in my deepest valley but I always had hope. I have now been drug free for 8 years.  I am now realising that I have control over my drinking.  While I may have an occasional drink I no long reach for the bottle when life throws me a curve ball. I can say that I have come along way with that.  I used to use drugs and drinking to cover up the pain and suffering I was causing in my own life.  God has sent me people in my life that when I am sinking low I can call them for prayerful support, people who know my struggle who lift me up when they know the darkness has surrounded me.  That they bring Light to my life.  I am very thankful for my Hubby Dennis.  He knows when he just needs to let me cry, when he just needs to sit and listen, and when I need his strong arms around me to let me know it will be OK.  He is my rock when I am sinking.  I love him for that.
So what does all this have to do with slouchy socks?  Its just sometimes when life gets tough  and I want to run away and get lost the past, I often think of old style clothes and today I put on my slouchy socks to help me remember I am a daughter, wife and mom. That no matter how bad life is at this very moment it is where I am supposed to be.  That all those times wearing those slouchy socks made me the woman I am now. 
Jenny
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

Separation of Church and State

Last night was one of those nights.  I went to a women's meeting at church , had a great supper and met a great missionary.  Everything had been going just fine until they handed out these little envelopes.  I don't know about anyone else getting upset over them but I sure was.  I understand that everyone has their own views about Obama and about abortion.  I am OK with the fact that you and I can agree to disagree.  What I do have a problem with is that when I am at a church function you should not "tell" me that I need to do this because this is the only way something can be right...Don't ask me to donate to a cause if you don't know where I stand on it.
So last night I get this envelope...in this envelope is a paper asking for my donation against abortion. You know the spill millions....etc.... and while I am personally pro life I am also pro-choice.  I think everyone should have the right to make their own decisions.  Its not my choice or the governments choice on what I can or cant have or do...If I choose it then I have to live with the consequences of my choice.  I feel this way on most things.  I don't want my "right" to be taken away.  I don't want "big brother" standing over me saying what you are feeling is wrong you MUST do it this way.  I also don't want someone telling me how that they hate "government leaders" while I am at church.  Let me say while I am not happy with Obama and his administration  I will NOT tell you you were wrong to vote for him, that the beliefs you have are wrong. I can tell you that I might bring up politics at my home with someone but NEVER would I use church as my platform.  This country was founded on level of separation.  I can only hope it will stay that way.

  The Bible says many things about LOVE: Love your enemies, LOVE is the greatest of all, LOVE them so they can see that God Loves them. We should be praying for our nation, we should be praying for our state, we should be praying for our leaders, we should be praying for our neighbors, we should be praying for each other.  So take this as you want....I will keep my politics at home and will keep my choices to myself....I will lean on the Lord so he can help lead my life in the direction its needed to go. 

Our Wild Ride in Life this week

Wow what a week its been for me.  My emotions have been on high alert between kids, scouts and life in general.  It all started on Sunday with a call there was a major fire about 20 miles outside North of town and our town was downwind of this fire.  My mind and nerves starting going crazy over all of the what ifs....you know those crazy things that come into your mind that just drive you to the edge to make you want to jump off not knowing whats below.  Thank goodness Dennis unknowingly picked up on my stress and we talked about all the things that could happen and what we would do if it did happen.  This really put my mind at ease ( is it sad to say I kinda dreamed about my dream kitchen if my house had burned?) Well thanks to our Fire fighters they finally got the fire out on Wednesday.  We are so thankful to our Firefighters and all the work they have done!
I am slowly on the downhill slide of the emotional roller coaster!
Tomorrow is a major fundraiser for our Boyscout troop. We are raising our funds so we can go to our High Adventure Camp next June. Its 650 a person so if you don't buy any of our fundraiser but want to help send someone to camp let me know.  We take all donations. :)
I know that while the kids really aren't doing anything to get on my nerves they are on my nerves.  Their grades are great for this first progress report.  They are handling school better this year that last.  They have great friends and great support from so many people and for this I am thankful!  Its nothing the kids have done really its just me and my roller coaster :)  They have just learned to stand back when mom gets stressed. Or depressed.
I fight depression on a daily basis.  Some days are better than others.  I am no longer taking most of my medicine and I seem to be doing alright.  Sure I have some days that I am really down but those days are few and far between than what they used to be.  I certainly have more up days than down and that I thank the Lord for!
Oh....on a good note..... Dennis and I made hula hoops and we have doing a hula hoop challenge where we hoop it up for 30 minutes a day every day during the month of September.  I am not very good but I really enjoy the memories that we are making with the kids and each other! Not to mention it is serious exercise....By the end of my 30 minutes I have sweat dripping in places that does not usually have sweat dripping!  Thanks Christine Moers for all the help and encouragement!
Sorry about the randomness of this blog....trying to hit all that is on my mind in one blog not 3....:)

Jen

Its been a while

Well its been a while since I have posted anything.  I sit and think of all things I could/should talk about but just not sure still what I will say. So I think I will talk about hula hoops! You know those little pink ones with noise makers inside that swirl when your doing something right. Well guess what....those are for kids not for adults.  No matter how hard a normal adult tries, it just really wont work. However, thanks to our friend Christine Moers we have learned how to make hula hoops.  Also thanks to her Dennis and I will be doing a 30 minutes a day for 30 days challenge.  We will be making our own hoops this weekend.  She posted a  video from YouTube that even shows you how.  Dennis and I went and pickup the pieces to make them yesterday while in Austin. I am looking forward to getting them put together this weekend! I hope that I can figure out how to post pictures here on the blog over the weekend. We are going to be taking them with us everywhere we go, Killeen, New Orleans.  We will be taking pictures and posting as we "Hoop It Up" in town and out of town.
I am sure its going to give us all a great laugh as we are starting out but its going to be a lot of fun.
Lots of Laughs and Love--
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!