Its Cancer

 I started this in November but every time I went to write it was just too hard...

Its cancer....the words no one wants to hear...the words we hear two months ago on my mom.  My mom the matriarch of our family is now in the battle of her life.  I still remember getting the news, I was in the middle of decorating a wedding cake.  I remember yelling, screaming, crying, screaming, crying and crying more. I have had up and down roller coaster ride of emotions and continue to have them.  So now we wait...we wait...we wait to see what kind, we wait to see where exactly it is, we wait to see what kind of treatment she will have...All this waiting is very hard.  I know that God is in charge and all this is his Will.  That is what is hard.  Our will is that Mom survives, that she beats this, and we have her for years to come.  But we have Faith that God is the great physician, he has his hands of healing in this and I know we will have struggles but we can and will get through this.

Now today...I have always heard that parents never want to see their children suffer, I have to say that it goes the other way too.  It is so hard to watch my mom and my dad through this process. I have tried to go to all the appointments even though there have been some I have had to miss.  The first appointment after diagnoses was to see the Surgeon.  She talked to us about what kinds of cancer mom had.  She has two different kinds in her left breast.  It took my breath away when I heard it.  At this appointment they felt it was just in her breast, that it has not spread to any other places.  The Dr. talked to her/us about what she thought was needed.  It was recommended that she have a mastectomy, and removal of lymph nodes up to 5.  Mom elected to have a bi-lateral mastectomy which gets both sides.  It was tentatively scheduled for November 12.  She will need to meet with Heart Doctor to make sure her hearth was healthy enough for surgery.  After getting all the clearances needed on November 12th we took her in to have surgery.  This surgery was supposed to be day surgery(who knew) but the doctor for some reason a day or two before decided to keep her for 23 hour observation. While she was in surgery the support of the Church was unbelievable.  There were at times 20 people sitting with us, praying with us, and just supporting us. It was a bit overwhelming, to the point I just went and sat in a corner and while I was part of conversations I was NOT in the middle of it all. Her surgery went well, the doctor removed both breast and 5 lymph nodes.  She came out and told us it went well, however she felt the cancer was in the lymph nodes since  they were all "hot".  The radioactive and dye like to go through body and find cancer cells.  We came out of waiting room, knowing it was in lymph system so it was indeed far worse than thought.   We had decided that I would stay the night in the hospital with mom.  She didn't want me to but I wasn't going to leave her alone.  It was a good thing, that first night she gave us all a HUGE scare.  Her blood pressure went so high we almost lost her.  The highest it was was 221/46 her oxygen level was down in the 70's.  They quickly put her on oxygen and started pumping iv heart medicine in her.  That first night was touch and go, they came in every hour to check it and it never did go down.  I got up with her every time someone came into the room, I fed her ice chips and Popsicles.  It was quite scary, I almost lost my mom that night.  I would see her go back to sleep and I would just cry as quietly as I could. If I got too bad I would step out to the hallway and get myself under control and come back and lay down.  I did  not get much sleep that night. The next day she had so many visitors.  So many wanted to show  their love and support for us.  I had told the nurses she would be the "popular" one on the floor.  Boy I wasn't kidding.  We had to ask that visitors not come on Thursday so she could rest. Only immediate family came by on Thursday. I was exhausted..I had spend Tuesday and Wednesday nights in hospital.  Julie decided she would stay Thursday night, I came and relieved her Friday morning so she could go to work.  We did not leave mom unattended for anymore than 30 mins that entire week.  Thank goodness for great friends who would come and let us have a break from the hospital so we could go and eat, shower, nap..Julie decided to stay again on Friday night, I was running on fumes still.  The doctors decided to let mom go home on Saturday since they could not figure out why her blood pressure was the way it was.  They had hoped it would go down once we got her home.  Mom got home Saturday at noon.  She spent most of the day sitting in her chair with a heating pad.  Her back was hurting from all the sitting and laying she had been doing for 5 days.

We are now at a month since surgery.  Mom had her port put in and 11 more lymph nodes taken out.  She has had bone scans, a Muga heart scan, and 2 CT scans to see if the cancer was anywhere else.  All the test have now come back and 3 of the 16 lymph nodes taken out are positive for cancer, her Muga heart scan was not good and normal range is 50% and hers was 40% for heart damage so that will have to be retested through out chemo to make sure the medicines are not hurting it more. 

She started her first round of Chemo last Monday, December 10th.  The first one took about 6 hours.  It was a long and exhausting day at the clinic.   She made it until Friday without being sick, she has been battling diarrhea and nausea since then.  She has lost close to 30 pounds as of this morning.  Her appetite is slim to none and we are almost having to force her to eat.  It is so hard seeing mom like this.  My sister just text me as mom was starting round 2 that mom's hair is beginning to fall out.  I know they tell us it will, but there is nothing that can prepare you for it.  I bought mom a wig and several hats to wear.  I will get more as I can, and as she wants.

I am super jealous of the love and support and groups that mom and Julie have nearby them.  They have had friends that have gone through this, they have a great hospital near  by that has support groups, and here we have NOTHING, and I mean that...When I asked the hospital they told me, everyone has to go out of town for therapy so there not a "need"...What are they crazy, just because they have to drive over an hour to get therapy doesn't mean there isn't a need.  There is a need, and they are being blind  over it.  I was told to start my own support group.  I am still praying over that one.  Right now my focus is helping mom, dad and Jul out when I can.  I would love to be there more but being 2 hours away, I can't always be there like I would like.  I have a family I have to take care of here too.  Its Dalton and DW Senior year and I really have been trying to be at their activities.  I have major cake orders for this week, and have slowed my cake business down to hardly nothing during this time.

I hope to start blogging more on this as we progress though treatment.  I hope it will help me to get my feelings out and on paper..Say an extra prayer for us.

God Bless,
Jenny

Our Wild Ride in Life this week

Wow what a week its been for me.  My emotions have been on high alert between kids, scouts and life in general.  It all started on Sunday with a call there was a major fire about 20 miles outside North of town and our town was downwind of this fire.  My mind and nerves starting going crazy over all of the what ifs....you know those crazy things that come into your mind that just drive you to the edge to make you want to jump off not knowing whats below.  Thank goodness Dennis unknowingly picked up on my stress and we talked about all the things that could happen and what we would do if it did happen.  This really put my mind at ease ( is it sad to say I kinda dreamed about my dream kitchen if my house had burned?) Well thanks to our Fire fighters they finally got the fire out on Wednesday.  We are so thankful to our Firefighters and all the work they have done!
I am slowly on the downhill slide of the emotional roller coaster!
Tomorrow is a major fundraiser for our Boyscout troop. We are raising our funds so we can go to our High Adventure Camp next June. Its 650 a person so if you don't buy any of our fundraiser but want to help send someone to camp let me know.  We take all donations. :)
I know that while the kids really aren't doing anything to get on my nerves they are on my nerves.  Their grades are great for this first progress report.  They are handling school better this year that last.  They have great friends and great support from so many people and for this I am thankful!  Its nothing the kids have done really its just me and my roller coaster :)  They have just learned to stand back when mom gets stressed. Or depressed.
I fight depression on a daily basis.  Some days are better than others.  I am no longer taking most of my medicine and I seem to be doing alright.  Sure I have some days that I am really down but those days are few and far between than what they used to be.  I certainly have more up days than down and that I thank the Lord for!
Oh....on a good note..... Dennis and I made hula hoops and we have doing a hula hoop challenge where we hoop it up for 30 minutes a day every day during the month of September.  I am not very good but I really enjoy the memories that we are making with the kids and each other! Not to mention it is serious exercise....By the end of my 30 minutes I have sweat dripping in places that does not usually have sweat dripping!  Thanks Christine Moers for all the help and encouragement!
Sorry about the randomness of this blog....trying to hit all that is on my mind in one blog not 3....:)

Jen

Sometimes you Just Have to Laugh!

Take the time to laugh! Life can get so stressful at times and you just need to stop and laugh because if you don't your just gonna scream?  Well our lives this week have been just this! Let me start at the beginning. Tuesday morning I go to leave to head to the store and have flat tire in  the van.  Tuesday night we are just laying down to go to sleep I remove my glasses and SNAP they break in half.  Wednesday we get up early to head to New Bransfels so I can get an exam and new glasses, but the Doctor that normally is there is off on Wednesday's(it doesnt say that in the phone book or online), so we start calling around the nearest place to get eye exam is San Marcos.  So off we go to San Marcos, I get my eye exam and head back to New Bransfels to have them make the glasses I have already picked up.  They tell us come back in about 2.5 hrs later.  We hang out at different places for about 2 hours, we show up to get them and they still need time to make them.  More waiting....we finally get one set of glasses (the most important ones) and wait some more for my sunglasses.  45 mins later they are having a problem getting the lens died to the same color, so "I am sorry but they wont be ready till tomorrow so we will just mail them to you!"  So 6 hours later, I have eye exam, new glasses and waiting on the prescription sunglasses. On the way home Dennis gets a call, someones system is down so he drops me off at home goes back out to the car and its DEAD!  I mean dead as a doornail! We have only been out of the car for 5 mins! So now we  have a van with flat and tire is off the rim, and a second car with dead battery.  He grabs the 3rd car to head to work.  The kids and I get the flat of the van, try jumping the car (which wont jump).  Thank Goodness for great friends! They take me to at least get the tire filled and back on the rim.  The boys get spare back on and I whisper to the Van "Baby girl you just gotta hold air till tomorrow morning so I can get you some new tires!" WE check the charging battery on car still dead! Thursday morning, we have made an appointment in Austin to get new tires, however first we come out to a flat tire, we get it filled up and PRAY that it will make it and we do! Yeah......So we get home with new tires, and a new battery for car.  Dennis quickly changes out battery!So now all cars are running. 
This is also the weekend that the Scouts are heading out to scout camp, so we start getting paperwork together and pick up the brief case and it breaks into pieces.....Thats when I start laughing! Laughing restores the broken spirit! Laughing restores sanity when sanity fails! Laughing makes everyone else wonder what your up to!   So take the time to LAUGH!!!!
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world