As some of you know I will be have major surgery, a hysterectomy. Part of me has been very excited about it but part of me is scared and sad about it. They have found a cyst that is located both on the inside and outside of my uterus and they know its at least the size of a tangelo but it could be bigger once they get in there. I have had menstrual issues for years. Heavy bleeding, long painful cycles, sometimes on cycles more than I am not. So it is time. I have really prayed about it over the years...I want it to be Gods will, not just my own.
My struggle with it though is thinking about my children, my 4 children that have been in my womb, 3 who have been born and one who is my Angel in Heaven. I love and am crazy about my boys here at home but my heart ofter struggles with that little one whom I have never seen in person! The one that God gave me dreamlike glance at, who is up there with Him, with her red bouncy pigtails, and crooked smile that I have imagined in my head my times over. If fact I am so sure it was A girl I remember once being in a store in Salado where they had porcelain dolls in it and there was a curly red headed baby doll that made me break down for over an hour. I remember going and talking to the store owner about Mikayla and she took me over to a rocking chair and let me hold and coddle that doll for as long as I needed to. God really gave me peace over it. Sure I still wonder and cry over the fact she would have been 12 April 1st. I know sometimes I see little girls and just want to love and hug on them. I know when I am battling a depression kind of day she is who the Devil puts in my mind to play tricks on me with the what ifs game.
This is when I cry then step back and look at the boys he did put here on Earth with me! I have my oldest Garon who is 18 (a month away from being 19, I have Dalton who is 14(2 months from being 15), and Wyatt 11(1 month from12) and add in one more via marriage DW, 15 whom might not be "mine from within but is just one of my boys" I look at them and think Man, God is so good. I often hear people say"God has a special place for moms of all boys!" I sometimes wonder, but I think its just because he is a father to his own son Jesus. He watched over Mary and Joseph as they raised his son. To watch him become the Man he always knew he would become. Its a proud day when we here on earth get to tell our children"I am Proud in what you have become!" I imagine what it was like the day that Jesus heard that from him Heavenly Father.
So why all this over hysterectomy well this is where my babies lived and died. They are a part of me, this is going to remove this part. I know its for the best, I know it will help me feel better, I know....I know....I know. This is my choice and I will live with this choice that this could be something more serious , I will make this choice so that I am still here for when my boys get a lot older and marry , I will see my daughter in laws(whom I have prayed over since my boys were babies) and for any future grandchildren. Dennis and I often talk about one of these day blah blah blah...And I want "one of these days" to happen...I want to be the most "awesomeness" mother in laws, I want to the greatest Granny, and I cant wait to see what God has planned for Dennis and I when our boys all grow up....The subject of our boys is a whole other post...There many struggles there to. So just send your prayers to me July 19th as I start an new stage in my life. I will continue to Pray for Gods guidance and that HIS will be made known.
God Bless J
To the world, you are one person, but to one person, you are the world!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Taking the time
So after having a week by myself(minus the oldest one being home when he wasn't working), I have decided that Dennis and I need some time together, just the two of us. Its that time of year when all the other boys are at their other parents house for summertime. This is the first time that Garon isn't going on a Mission Trip in July where Dennis and I get a week without anyone but ourselves at home. This year Dennis and Garon are going on a hiking right of passage camp in July to the Continental Divide in Colorado.
So I am sending off Garon to his Grandparents/Aunts House for a few days. We, Dennis and I, to keep our marriage strong know that sometimes we have to take time alone without kids to keep our marriage going strong. This year has been a monumental for us. We celebrated 5 years married on June 3, 2011. We want to have many more years together and since we are both divorced previously and chose to remarry and have a blended family, its very easy to become another statistic. We know that we have to keep God in the middle and then actively work on our marriage. To work on it we MUST and DO take time to be together alone with no kids from time to time.
So what are we going to do this year? WE usually go to a B&B that our computers and cell phones don't work so well, but with him being gone last week for Scout camp he cant take 2 weeks off from his business, I hope that we can at least get away for a day or two to just chill and relax with no TV. I will take whatever little bit of time we can get together. I love my children, but to be a great mother I must be a great wife to my wonderful hubby! So at the end of the month we will have a few days alone with NOT one kid around! YEAHHHHHHH! So don't call or come by unannounced we may or may not be here or might just not answer!
J
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!
So I am sending off Garon to his Grandparents/Aunts House for a few days. We, Dennis and I, to keep our marriage strong know that sometimes we have to take time alone without kids to keep our marriage going strong. This year has been a monumental for us. We celebrated 5 years married on June 3, 2011. We want to have many more years together and since we are both divorced previously and chose to remarry and have a blended family, its very easy to become another statistic. We know that we have to keep God in the middle and then actively work on our marriage. To work on it we MUST and DO take time to be together alone with no kids from time to time.
So what are we going to do this year? WE usually go to a B&B that our computers and cell phones don't work so well, but with him being gone last week for Scout camp he cant take 2 weeks off from his business, I hope that we can at least get away for a day or two to just chill and relax with no TV. I will take whatever little bit of time we can get together. I love my children, but to be a great mother I must be a great wife to my wonderful hubby! So at the end of the month we will have a few days alone with NOT one kid around! YEAHHHHHHH! So don't call or come by unannounced we may or may not be here or might just not answer!
J
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
This week in my life
What have I learned this week? Well I have learned that sometimes being in a house in the silence is truly something that is needed so you can refocus on yourself. That sometimes we get so busy with everyone else in our lives that we need to have a moment or two to reflect upon ourselves. This is my week for it. Dennis, DW, Dalton, and Wyatt are all gone to Boy Scout camp for a week. I have Garon here but I have kinda kicked him out through out the week so momma could get some momma time.
One thing I have learned about myself is though, I don't handle stress well. This week we ran out of ice at the snow cone shop. You cant make snow cones if you dont have ice to make it with. I have sat and cried over the lost sales today becuase of it. I have had my bubble popped in the business world when I go to buy more ice and get told that "You are just a small fish in the ice business, so I have none to sell to you!" So guess what Reddy Ice I will now drive to New Braunsfel to get ice because THEY want my business! And they are upset that they cant deliver here because we are out of their district. They have product that we need but cant help but they will save me some to come and get.
I have learned though I am an eatter when it comes to stress, when I am mad I just want to eat anything and everything healthy or unhealthy! That when I chose the unhealthy food it doesn't make me feel better, in fact its making me sick to my stomach!
I have feel like I am swimming along with a broken arm barely staying afloat. I have the peace to know that tomorrow will get better but today is just one of those days.
I have kept up my food journal and its shown that I have been very moody this week, and have made some great choices but I have also made some bad choices, but you know what THATS OK! Sure its a struggle but isnt life?
OH I have also started doing a Bible reading when I am hungry. Before I go and get something to eat I stop and read a radom passage to see if I am really hungry or Hungry.(Refer back to another blog about little h or H) Its helped me remain focused on whats important. Although today being the kind of day it is even that did not quintch the thirst or want that I craved.
Tomorrow is another day, it will be better than today and I will have my smile back. I won't grit my teeth to pretend its a good day because Good Lord willing I will wake up in the morning and that makes it a good day, and I wont let the devil get his foothold on me!
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!
One thing I have learned about myself is though, I don't handle stress well. This week we ran out of ice at the snow cone shop. You cant make snow cones if you dont have ice to make it with. I have sat and cried over the lost sales today becuase of it. I have had my bubble popped in the business world when I go to buy more ice and get told that "You are just a small fish in the ice business, so I have none to sell to you!" So guess what Reddy Ice I will now drive to New Braunsfel to get ice because THEY want my business! And they are upset that they cant deliver here because we are out of their district. They have product that we need but cant help but they will save me some to come and get.
I have learned though I am an eatter when it comes to stress, when I am mad I just want to eat anything and everything healthy or unhealthy! That when I chose the unhealthy food it doesn't make me feel better, in fact its making me sick to my stomach!
I have feel like I am swimming along with a broken arm barely staying afloat. I have the peace to know that tomorrow will get better but today is just one of those days.
I have kept up my food journal and its shown that I have been very moody this week, and have made some great choices but I have also made some bad choices, but you know what THATS OK! Sure its a struggle but isnt life?
OH I have also started doing a Bible reading when I am hungry. Before I go and get something to eat I stop and read a radom passage to see if I am really hungry or Hungry.(Refer back to another blog about little h or H) Its helped me remain focused on whats important. Although today being the kind of day it is even that did not quintch the thirst or want that I craved.
Tomorrow is another day, it will be better than today and I will have my smile back. I won't grit my teeth to pretend its a good day because Good Lord willing I will wake up in the morning and that makes it a good day, and I wont let the devil get his foothold on me!
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Weight Issues
So as many of you know I have been on Weight Watchers now for a month. I have lost 5.2 pounds and am holding steady. I do know that I have got to go head strong into this starting now or I won't make the weight limit for Sailing next year! I dont know why this last week or two has been a hard struggle. This weeks meeting was about keeping track of stuff besides the food you eat. For instance some have to track gas going in and going out, mileage for work, shopping lists, things to do list etc. IF you keep track of these things that are important to you then you should be able to keep your list of foods. By tracking your foods you can make sure you are eatting your points the correct way. It keeps you in check to make sure you have your full servings of fruits,veggies, protein, fats etc. Tracking makes you accountable for every little thing you put in your mouth!
How many times have you started with the "Im going to do this for a month" but lose track with what you were doing after a few day? Well thats how tracking can help.
Think about hearing the term"I am an emotional eatter!" What does that mean really? Well to figure that out part of your life your are eatting. WW says to classify your hunger with H or h. H meaning you look around and can see something that is of the right choice off of WW and you eat it. h means you look around food and when looking you think"there is nothing good to eat in this house!" Or I am not craving anything in this house. When you think if the "h" there is usually an emotion to go along with it...its boredom, depression, happiness, sadness, anger, ???Stop right then and make a note in your food journal about what you were feeling at that very moment. This will help you identify why and when your eatting.
I challenge you along with myself to food/emotional journal for one week, I think we will all be suprised on what we eat and why we eat it. Would love to hear from you how you and your weight journey is going if you are struggleing with weight like I am. Remember you are not alone here there are millions of people that are obese/overweight just like I am and sometimes you need all the support from near and afar to help you when you stuggle.
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person you are the world!
How many times have you started with the "Im going to do this for a month" but lose track with what you were doing after a few day? Well thats how tracking can help.
Think about hearing the term"I am an emotional eatter!" What does that mean really? Well to figure that out part of your life your are eatting. WW says to classify your hunger with H or h. H meaning you look around and can see something that is of the right choice off of WW and you eat it. h means you look around food and when looking you think"there is nothing good to eat in this house!" Or I am not craving anything in this house. When you think if the "h" there is usually an emotion to go along with it...its boredom, depression, happiness, sadness, anger, ???Stop right then and make a note in your food journal about what you were feeling at that very moment. This will help you identify why and when your eatting.
I challenge you along with myself to food/emotional journal for one week, I think we will all be suprised on what we eat and why we eat it. Would love to hear from you how you and your weight journey is going if you are struggleing with weight like I am. Remember you are not alone here there are millions of people that are obese/overweight just like I am and sometimes you need all the support from near and afar to help you when you stuggle.
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person you are the world!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Sometimes you Just Have to Laugh!
Take the time to laugh! Life can get so stressful at times and you just need to stop and laugh because if you don't your just gonna scream? Well our lives this week have been just this! Let me start at the beginning. Tuesday morning I go to leave to head to the store and have flat tire in the van. Tuesday night we are just laying down to go to sleep I remove my glasses and SNAP they break in half. Wednesday we get up early to head to New Bransfels so I can get an exam and new glasses, but the Doctor that normally is there is off on Wednesday's(it doesnt say that in the phone book or online), so we start calling around the nearest place to get eye exam is San Marcos. So off we go to San Marcos, I get my eye exam and head back to New Bransfels to have them make the glasses I have already picked up. They tell us come back in about 2.5 hrs later. We hang out at different places for about 2 hours, we show up to get them and they still need time to make them. More waiting....we finally get one set of glasses (the most important ones) and wait some more for my sunglasses. 45 mins later they are having a problem getting the lens died to the same color, so "I am sorry but they wont be ready till tomorrow so we will just mail them to you!" So 6 hours later, I have eye exam, new glasses and waiting on the prescription sunglasses. On the way home Dennis gets a call, someones system is down so he drops me off at home goes back out to the car and its DEAD! I mean dead as a doornail! We have only been out of the car for 5 mins! So now we have a van with flat and tire is off the rim, and a second car with dead battery. He grabs the 3rd car to head to work. The kids and I get the flat of the van, try jumping the car (which wont jump). Thank Goodness for great friends! They take me to at least get the tire filled and back on the rim. The boys get spare back on and I whisper to the Van "Baby girl you just gotta hold air till tomorrow morning so I can get you some new tires!" WE check the charging battery on car still dead! Thursday morning, we have made an appointment in Austin to get new tires, however first we come out to a flat tire, we get it filled up and PRAY that it will make it and we do! Yeah......So we get home with new tires, and a new battery for car. Dennis quickly changes out battery!So now all cars are running.
This is also the weekend that the Scouts are heading out to scout camp, so we start getting paperwork together and pick up the brief case and it breaks into pieces.....Thats when I start laughing! Laughing restores the broken spirit! Laughing restores sanity when sanity fails! Laughing makes everyone else wonder what your up to! So take the time to LAUGH!!!!
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world
This is also the weekend that the Scouts are heading out to scout camp, so we start getting paperwork together and pick up the brief case and it breaks into pieces.....Thats when I start laughing! Laughing restores the broken spirit! Laughing restores sanity when sanity fails! Laughing makes everyone else wonder what your up to! So take the time to LAUGH!!!!
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Kids Room
Well today as I look down the hall and see the bedroom that the 3 boys share. I wonder where they heck they get all that crap! I will be entering into the dark dirty room and doing what they boys call "momma clean" which means mom goes through clothes, toys and whatever else is in there and get rid of trash bags full of stuff. Like clothes that dont fit anymore will go to GCAM, broken toys thrown away etc!
I try to do this once or twice a year while they are all gone so they dont see what all is disappearing. hehehehehe
I always hope that maybe just this once they will see how it looks to be nice and organized and keep it that way but usually doesnt stay like that for long. Although I do have hope it will stay clean since they will be gone for most of the summer!
I do wonder though do their lives reflect such dirty room? Does their school work? Does their minds get all cluttered because their rooms are that way too? I know we go to Church and do Scout stuff to keep us "clean" with His word, to keep them busy with Scouts to keep them "clean" in things to do outside of the house. To build their skills as boys growing into men.
So why cant they keep their rooms clean? I know they get it from me, I am not one to be bothered with a clean house, I am a pretty cluttered person. They used to tease me when I was a teacher assistant that my desk was horrid but I knew what was on my desk and could always find what I was looking for at anytime. Its a skill that I have to work one everyday. I did marry a guy who knows I am this way but loves me anyway however I am getting better and I do throw out alot more that I used to.
So wish me luck! I better get started because if I don't it just wont get done! J
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!
I try to do this once or twice a year while they are all gone so they dont see what all is disappearing. hehehehehe
I always hope that maybe just this once they will see how it looks to be nice and organized and keep it that way but usually doesnt stay like that for long. Although I do have hope it will stay clean since they will be gone for most of the summer!
I do wonder though do their lives reflect such dirty room? Does their school work? Does their minds get all cluttered because their rooms are that way too? I know we go to Church and do Scout stuff to keep us "clean" with His word, to keep them busy with Scouts to keep them "clean" in things to do outside of the house. To build their skills as boys growing into men.
So why cant they keep their rooms clean? I know they get it from me, I am not one to be bothered with a clean house, I am a pretty cluttered person. They used to tease me when I was a teacher assistant that my desk was horrid but I knew what was on my desk and could always find what I was looking for at anytime. Its a skill that I have to work one everyday. I did marry a guy who knows I am this way but loves me anyway however I am getting better and I do throw out alot more that I used to.
So wish me luck! I better get started because if I don't it just wont get done! J
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Weight Problem
Well its one of the hardest topics for a female to talk about besides her age I believe! The truth for me is that for the last 10 years or so my weight really has been an issue. I have gone up and down on the sliding scale of life. My max weight was 270. I was lucky enough not to ever hit that "magic" number. You know that one number you get to and you start having diabetes, high blood pressure, cholosteral problems etc(you get my drift). But I did get to that level that the only thing I could do was sit in my lazy boy at home and sweat just thinking about exercising.
So what has changed at this moment to get me motivated to lose weight? Well 3 things. First, I will be turning 39 in August and lets be frank I dont want to the fat mom at football games who cant go up the stairs to our seats for fear of a heartattack or asthma attack. Second as I approach 40 I want to be here for a long time for my Husband and for my kids. Third, our Boy Scout Troop 262 is going on a SeaBase scout camp next summer to go sailing and I WANT to go too! With this trip there is a weight limit and I am about 75-80 lbs too heavy. This camp cost a ton of money but I really really, did I say really want to go! I got to go sailing a year ago and I am HOOKED! To the point that when we retire I want to get a sailboat and sail around the world! Ok maybe not the world but who knows...
So here I began my new weight loss journey by starting Weight Watchers 3 weeks ago. In 3 week I have now lost 5.2 pounds. While its been hard its been good. I know I am not sticking to it like I probably should I am still working on it. I haven't started exercising as of yet. Although I did get into the pool and swim 4 full laps before I thought I was going to die! But I did it! With exercising I will take it one swim at time, one step at a time!With just one bite at time I will change my life.
Jen
PS. Just don't judge me when you see me eatting that blizzard or that candy bar, because I will eat it with no guilt :) And I will count it as part of my weight watchers points too!
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!
So what has changed at this moment to get me motivated to lose weight? Well 3 things. First, I will be turning 39 in August and lets be frank I dont want to the fat mom at football games who cant go up the stairs to our seats for fear of a heartattack or asthma attack. Second as I approach 40 I want to be here for a long time for my Husband and for my kids. Third, our Boy Scout Troop 262 is going on a SeaBase scout camp next summer to go sailing and I WANT to go too! With this trip there is a weight limit and I am about 75-80 lbs too heavy. This camp cost a ton of money but I really really, did I say really want to go! I got to go sailing a year ago and I am HOOKED! To the point that when we retire I want to get a sailboat and sail around the world! Ok maybe not the world but who knows...
So here I began my new weight loss journey by starting Weight Watchers 3 weeks ago. In 3 week I have now lost 5.2 pounds. While its been hard its been good. I know I am not sticking to it like I probably should I am still working on it. I haven't started exercising as of yet. Although I did get into the pool and swim 4 full laps before I thought I was going to die! But I did it! With exercising I will take it one swim at time, one step at a time!With just one bite at time I will change my life.
Jen
PS. Just don't judge me when you see me eatting that blizzard or that candy bar, because I will eat it with no guilt :) And I will count it as part of my weight watchers points too!
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!
The Opening to the Why
Well today I decided to become a ........dum dum dum......Blogger...."Why?" asked my husband and 18 year old son. Why indeed... .
I am inspired to blog by my hubby and numerous friends who have their own blogs and I have said to myself "I wanna do that too!" So here I am sitting at my kitchen table trying to say something inspiring to others so they will read this....
This will be about starting a new step in my life journey. So the good, the bad and anything in between that is what this blog will be about. From weight loss/gain, to dealing with teenage boys, to struggles with my business, relationships with friends and family and other points unforeseen.
So let the Blogging begin..........
To the world ,you may only be one person, but to one person, you maybe the world!
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