Its a Slouchy Sock Kind of Day!

You remember those slouchy socks don't you?  Those socks we wore back in the 90's.  When we were teenagers and didn't have a care in the world.  When our parents did stuff for us? That our only responsibility was who's house we were going, what our best friends were doing?  How our football team was doing?  Who was meeting who and where. Meeting up with friends to just "hang out at the mall" and not cause any trouble. 
I know I know I am going back in time, sometimes as a parent I sometimes wish I could go back to when I was a teen when I didn't have a care in the world.  Being a parent is the HARDEST job I have ever done.  We try so hard to make sure we are raising our children the right way and bam we hit the wall of real life.  This wall is when we must let go and let our children fail, let our children fall and let them humble themselves to ask for help.  It is by far the hardest thing we have to do as parents.  I am telling you  its not fun at all.  I have spent many days praying, crying, praying and crying while my children grow and attempt to fall into the "Real world". 
I also pray and cry for forgiveness with my own parents, saying how sorry I am that I did this to them! I am truly sorry for the hell I gave my parents. The guilt I put on myself over my actions to them is a very hard thing to forgive myself about.  I am working on this.  I am trying to forgive myself as my Lord has forgiven me.

I do have hope though.  When I look back at my life my parents instilled in my Christian background.  That even if I wasn't there in spirit I was there physically every time that church door was unlock my parents had us there.  I know I faltered between going and not going.  Getting away from my personal relationship with God that I had as a little girl.  In fact its only been in the last 10 years that I really "got back into church" and really tried to change my life around.  I don't know where I would have ended up while I was going through my divorce and getting clean and sober had it not been for my church family.  I don't know where anyone can get through those things with the LOVE of God.  I might have been in my deepest valley but I always had hope. I have now been drug free for 8 years.  I am now realising that I have control over my drinking.  While I may have an occasional drink I no long reach for the bottle when life throws me a curve ball. I can say that I have come along way with that.  I used to use drugs and drinking to cover up the pain and suffering I was causing in my own life.  God has sent me people in my life that when I am sinking low I can call them for prayerful support, people who know my struggle who lift me up when they know the darkness has surrounded me.  That they bring Light to my life.  I am very thankful for my Hubby Dennis.  He knows when he just needs to let me cry, when he just needs to sit and listen, and when I need his strong arms around me to let me know it will be OK.  He is my rock when I am sinking.  I love him for that.
So what does all this have to do with slouchy socks?  Its just sometimes when life gets tough  and I want to run away and get lost the past, I often think of old style clothes and today I put on my slouchy socks to help me remember I am a daughter, wife and mom. That no matter how bad life is at this very moment it is where I am supposed to be.  That all those times wearing those slouchy socks made me the woman I am now. 
Jenny
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world

Separation of Church and State

Last night was one of those nights.  I went to a women's meeting at church , had a great supper and met a great missionary.  Everything had been going just fine until they handed out these little envelopes.  I don't know about anyone else getting upset over them but I sure was.  I understand that everyone has their own views about Obama and about abortion.  I am OK with the fact that you and I can agree to disagree.  What I do have a problem with is that when I am at a church function you should not "tell" me that I need to do this because this is the only way something can be right...Don't ask me to donate to a cause if you don't know where I stand on it.
So last night I get this envelope...in this envelope is a paper asking for my donation against abortion. You know the spill millions....etc.... and while I am personally pro life I am also pro-choice.  I think everyone should have the right to make their own decisions.  Its not my choice or the governments choice on what I can or cant have or do...If I choose it then I have to live with the consequences of my choice.  I feel this way on most things.  I don't want my "right" to be taken away.  I don't want "big brother" standing over me saying what you are feeling is wrong you MUST do it this way.  I also don't want someone telling me how that they hate "government leaders" while I am at church.  Let me say while I am not happy with Obama and his administration  I will NOT tell you you were wrong to vote for him, that the beliefs you have are wrong. I can tell you that I might bring up politics at my home with someone but NEVER would I use church as my platform.  This country was founded on level of separation.  I can only hope it will stay that way.

  The Bible says many things about LOVE: Love your enemies, LOVE is the greatest of all, LOVE them so they can see that God Loves them. We should be praying for our nation, we should be praying for our state, we should be praying for our leaders, we should be praying for our neighbors, we should be praying for each other.  So take this as you want....I will keep my politics at home and will keep my choices to myself....I will lean on the Lord so he can help lead my life in the direction its needed to go. 

Our Wild Ride in Life this week

Wow what a week its been for me.  My emotions have been on high alert between kids, scouts and life in general.  It all started on Sunday with a call there was a major fire about 20 miles outside North of town and our town was downwind of this fire.  My mind and nerves starting going crazy over all of the what ifs....you know those crazy things that come into your mind that just drive you to the edge to make you want to jump off not knowing whats below.  Thank goodness Dennis unknowingly picked up on my stress and we talked about all the things that could happen and what we would do if it did happen.  This really put my mind at ease ( is it sad to say I kinda dreamed about my dream kitchen if my house had burned?) Well thanks to our Fire fighters they finally got the fire out on Wednesday.  We are so thankful to our Firefighters and all the work they have done!
I am slowly on the downhill slide of the emotional roller coaster!
Tomorrow is a major fundraiser for our Boyscout troop. We are raising our funds so we can go to our High Adventure Camp next June. Its 650 a person so if you don't buy any of our fundraiser but want to help send someone to camp let me know.  We take all donations. :)
I know that while the kids really aren't doing anything to get on my nerves they are on my nerves.  Their grades are great for this first progress report.  They are handling school better this year that last.  They have great friends and great support from so many people and for this I am thankful!  Its nothing the kids have done really its just me and my roller coaster :)  They have just learned to stand back when mom gets stressed. Or depressed.
I fight depression on a daily basis.  Some days are better than others.  I am no longer taking most of my medicine and I seem to be doing alright.  Sure I have some days that I am really down but those days are few and far between than what they used to be.  I certainly have more up days than down and that I thank the Lord for!
Oh....on a good note..... Dennis and I made hula hoops and we have doing a hula hoop challenge where we hoop it up for 30 minutes a day every day during the month of September.  I am not very good but I really enjoy the memories that we are making with the kids and each other! Not to mention it is serious exercise....By the end of my 30 minutes I have sweat dripping in places that does not usually have sweat dripping!  Thanks Christine Moers for all the help and encouragement!
Sorry about the randomness of this blog....trying to hit all that is on my mind in one blog not 3....:)

Jen