Its a Slouchy Sock Kind of Day!

You remember those slouchy socks don't you?  Those socks we wore back in the 90's.  When we were teenagers and didn't have a care in the world.  When our parents did stuff for us? That our only responsibility was who's house we were going, what our best friends were doing?  How our football team was doing?  Who was meeting who and where. Meeting up with friends to just "hang out at the mall" and not cause any trouble. 
I know I know I am going back in time, sometimes as a parent I sometimes wish I could go back to when I was a teen when I didn't have a care in the world.  Being a parent is the HARDEST job I have ever done.  We try so hard to make sure we are raising our children the right way and bam we hit the wall of real life.  This wall is when we must let go and let our children fail, let our children fall and let them humble themselves to ask for help.  It is by far the hardest thing we have to do as parents.  I am telling you  its not fun at all.  I have spent many days praying, crying, praying and crying while my children grow and attempt to fall into the "Real world". 
I also pray and cry for forgiveness with my own parents, saying how sorry I am that I did this to them! I am truly sorry for the hell I gave my parents. The guilt I put on myself over my actions to them is a very hard thing to forgive myself about.  I am working on this.  I am trying to forgive myself as my Lord has forgiven me.

I do have hope though.  When I look back at my life my parents instilled in my Christian background.  That even if I wasn't there in spirit I was there physically every time that church door was unlock my parents had us there.  I know I faltered between going and not going.  Getting away from my personal relationship with God that I had as a little girl.  In fact its only been in the last 10 years that I really "got back into church" and really tried to change my life around.  I don't know where I would have ended up while I was going through my divorce and getting clean and sober had it not been for my church family.  I don't know where anyone can get through those things with the LOVE of God.  I might have been in my deepest valley but I always had hope. I have now been drug free for 8 years.  I am now realising that I have control over my drinking.  While I may have an occasional drink I no long reach for the bottle when life throws me a curve ball. I can say that I have come along way with that.  I used to use drugs and drinking to cover up the pain and suffering I was causing in my own life.  God has sent me people in my life that when I am sinking low I can call them for prayerful support, people who know my struggle who lift me up when they know the darkness has surrounded me.  That they bring Light to my life.  I am very thankful for my Hubby Dennis.  He knows when he just needs to let me cry, when he just needs to sit and listen, and when I need his strong arms around me to let me know it will be OK.  He is my rock when I am sinking.  I love him for that.
So what does all this have to do with slouchy socks?  Its just sometimes when life gets tough  and I want to run away and get lost the past, I often think of old style clothes and today I put on my slouchy socks to help me remember I am a daughter, wife and mom. That no matter how bad life is at this very moment it is where I am supposed to be.  That all those times wearing those slouchy socks made me the woman I am now. 
Jenny
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world