Its Cancer

 I started this in November but every time I went to write it was just too hard...

Its cancer....the words no one wants to hear...the words we hear two months ago on my mom.  My mom the matriarch of our family is now in the battle of her life.  I still remember getting the news, I was in the middle of decorating a wedding cake.  I remember yelling, screaming, crying, screaming, crying and crying more. I have had up and down roller coaster ride of emotions and continue to have them.  So now we wait...we wait...we wait to see what kind, we wait to see where exactly it is, we wait to see what kind of treatment she will have...All this waiting is very hard.  I know that God is in charge and all this is his Will.  That is what is hard.  Our will is that Mom survives, that she beats this, and we have her for years to come.  But we have Faith that God is the great physician, he has his hands of healing in this and I know we will have struggles but we can and will get through this.

Now today...I have always heard that parents never want to see their children suffer, I have to say that it goes the other way too.  It is so hard to watch my mom and my dad through this process. I have tried to go to all the appointments even though there have been some I have had to miss.  The first appointment after diagnoses was to see the Surgeon.  She talked to us about what kinds of cancer mom had.  She has two different kinds in her left breast.  It took my breath away when I heard it.  At this appointment they felt it was just in her breast, that it has not spread to any other places.  The Dr. talked to her/us about what she thought was needed.  It was recommended that she have a mastectomy, and removal of lymph nodes up to 5.  Mom elected to have a bi-lateral mastectomy which gets both sides.  It was tentatively scheduled for November 12.  She will need to meet with Heart Doctor to make sure her hearth was healthy enough for surgery.  After getting all the clearances needed on November 12th we took her in to have surgery.  This surgery was supposed to be day surgery(who knew) but the doctor for some reason a day or two before decided to keep her for 23 hour observation. While she was in surgery the support of the Church was unbelievable.  There were at times 20 people sitting with us, praying with us, and just supporting us. It was a bit overwhelming, to the point I just went and sat in a corner and while I was part of conversations I was NOT in the middle of it all. Her surgery went well, the doctor removed both breast and 5 lymph nodes.  She came out and told us it went well, however she felt the cancer was in the lymph nodes since  they were all "hot".  The radioactive and dye like to go through body and find cancer cells.  We came out of waiting room, knowing it was in lymph system so it was indeed far worse than thought.   We had decided that I would stay the night in the hospital with mom.  She didn't want me to but I wasn't going to leave her alone.  It was a good thing, that first night she gave us all a HUGE scare.  Her blood pressure went so high we almost lost her.  The highest it was was 221/46 her oxygen level was down in the 70's.  They quickly put her on oxygen and started pumping iv heart medicine in her.  That first night was touch and go, they came in every hour to check it and it never did go down.  I got up with her every time someone came into the room, I fed her ice chips and Popsicles.  It was quite scary, I almost lost my mom that night.  I would see her go back to sleep and I would just cry as quietly as I could. If I got too bad I would step out to the hallway and get myself under control and come back and lay down.  I did  not get much sleep that night. The next day she had so many visitors.  So many wanted to show  their love and support for us.  I had told the nurses she would be the "popular" one on the floor.  Boy I wasn't kidding.  We had to ask that visitors not come on Thursday so she could rest. Only immediate family came by on Thursday. I was exhausted..I had spend Tuesday and Wednesday nights in hospital.  Julie decided she would stay Thursday night, I came and relieved her Friday morning so she could go to work.  We did not leave mom unattended for anymore than 30 mins that entire week.  Thank goodness for great friends who would come and let us have a break from the hospital so we could go and eat, shower, nap..Julie decided to stay again on Friday night, I was running on fumes still.  The doctors decided to let mom go home on Saturday since they could not figure out why her blood pressure was the way it was.  They had hoped it would go down once we got her home.  Mom got home Saturday at noon.  She spent most of the day sitting in her chair with a heating pad.  Her back was hurting from all the sitting and laying she had been doing for 5 days.

We are now at a month since surgery.  Mom had her port put in and 11 more lymph nodes taken out.  She has had bone scans, a Muga heart scan, and 2 CT scans to see if the cancer was anywhere else.  All the test have now come back and 3 of the 16 lymph nodes taken out are positive for cancer, her Muga heart scan was not good and normal range is 50% and hers was 40% for heart damage so that will have to be retested through out chemo to make sure the medicines are not hurting it more. 

She started her first round of Chemo last Monday, December 10th.  The first one took about 6 hours.  It was a long and exhausting day at the clinic.   She made it until Friday without being sick, she has been battling diarrhea and nausea since then.  She has lost close to 30 pounds as of this morning.  Her appetite is slim to none and we are almost having to force her to eat.  It is so hard seeing mom like this.  My sister just text me as mom was starting round 2 that mom's hair is beginning to fall out.  I know they tell us it will, but there is nothing that can prepare you for it.  I bought mom a wig and several hats to wear.  I will get more as I can, and as she wants.

I am super jealous of the love and support and groups that mom and Julie have nearby them.  They have had friends that have gone through this, they have a great hospital near  by that has support groups, and here we have NOTHING, and I mean that...When I asked the hospital they told me, everyone has to go out of town for therapy so there not a "need"...What are they crazy, just because they have to drive over an hour to get therapy doesn't mean there isn't a need.  There is a need, and they are being blind  over it.  I was told to start my own support group.  I am still praying over that one.  Right now my focus is helping mom, dad and Jul out when I can.  I would love to be there more but being 2 hours away, I can't always be there like I would like.  I have a family I have to take care of here too.  Its Dalton and DW Senior year and I really have been trying to be at their activities.  I have major cake orders for this week, and have slowed my cake business down to hardly nothing during this time.

I hope to start blogging more on this as we progress though treatment.  I hope it will help me to get my feelings out and on paper..Say an extra prayer for us.

God Bless,
Jenny

Weight Issues

So as many of you know I have been on Weight Watchers now for a month.  I have lost 5.2 pounds and am holding steady.  I do know that I have got to go head strong into this starting now or I won't make the weight limit for Sailing next year! I dont know why this last week or two has been a hard struggle. This weeks meeting was about keeping track of stuff besides the food you eat.  For instance some have to track gas going in and going out, mileage for work, shopping lists, things to do list etc.  IF you keep track of these things that are important to you then you should be able to keep your list of foods.  By tracking your foods you can make sure you are eatting your points the correct way.  It keeps you in check to make sure you have your full servings of fruits,veggies, protein, fats etc.  Tracking makes you accountable for every little thing you put in your mouth!
How many times have you started with the "Im going to do this for a month" but lose track with what you were doing after a few day?  Well thats how tracking can help. 
Think about hearing the term"I am an emotional eatter!"  What does that  mean really?  Well to figure that out part of your life your are eatting.  WW says to classify your hunger with H or h.  H meaning you look around and can see something that is of the right choice off of WW and you eat it. h means you look around food and when looking you think"there is nothing good to eat in this house!" Or I am not craving anything in this house.  When you think if the "h" there is usually an emotion to go along with it...its boredom, depression, happiness, sadness, anger, ???Stop right then and make a note in your food journal about what you were feeling at that very moment.  This will help you identify why and when your eatting.
I challenge you along with myself to food/emotional journal for one week, I think we will all be suprised on what we eat and why we eat it. Would love to hear from you how you and your weight journey is going if you are struggleing with weight like I am.  Remember you are not alone here there are millions of people that are obese/overweight just like I am and sometimes you need all the support from near and afar to help you when you stuggle.
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person you are the world!

Weight Problem

  Well its one of the hardest topics for a female to talk about besides her age I believe!  The truth for me is that for the last 10 years or so my weight really has been an issue.  I have gone up and down on the sliding scale of life.  My max weight was 270.  I was lucky enough not to ever hit that "magic" number.  You know that one  number you get to and you start having diabetes, high blood pressure, cholosteral problems etc(you get my drift).  But I did get to that level that the only thing I could do was sit in my lazy boy at home and sweat just thinking about exercising.
  So what has changed at this moment to get me motivated to lose weight?  Well 3 things.  First, I will be turning 39 in August and lets be frank I dont want to the fat mom at football games who cant go up the stairs to our seats for fear of a heartattack or asthma attack.  Second as I approach 40 I want to be here for a long time for my Husband and for my kids.  Third, our Boy Scout Troop 262 is going on a SeaBase scout camp next summer to go sailing and I WANT to go too! With this trip there is a weight limit and I am about 75-80 lbs too heavy.  This camp cost a ton of money but I really really, did I say really want to go!  I got to go sailing a year ago and I am HOOKED! To the point that when we retire I want to get a sailboat and sail around the world! Ok maybe not the world but who knows...
  So here I began  my new weight loss journey by starting Weight Watchers 3 weeks ago.   In 3 week I have now lost 5.2 pounds.  While its been hard its been good.  I know I am not sticking to it like I probably should I am still working on it. I haven't started exercising as of yet.  Although I did get into the pool and swim 4 full laps before I thought I was going to die! But I did it! With exercising I will take it one swim at time, one step at a time!With just one bite at time I will change my life.
Jen

PS. Just don't judge me when you see me eatting that blizzard or that candy bar, because I will eat it with no guilt :) And I will count it as part of my weight watchers points too!


To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!