The Aftermath

Well its day 4 after my surgery.  While I am still healing I am getting better.  This surgery though a a bit hard on the doctors, and on my body.  To give you an idea on how it went : if the Dr had known me well she would have known I am the 1% of 1% that if its going to go wrong it will.  And it did.  We got to the hospital at 545 on Tuesday morning, they got me to the back started my IV. Met with all the Dr's I needed to before they started.  Last thing I remember is giving my hubby a kiss and being wheeled out of recovery.  About 6 hours later I remember being wiggled and being told Mrs. Nesser you need to breath deeply ....Come on Mrs Nesser you can do this....This though is pretty normal for me, I suffer from Sleep Apnea when I am under general Anesthesia's. The monitor showing my oxygen level often goes under 90 % when I am coming out of any surgery.  I got moved to my room and had a pain pump for me to use as needed, however each and every time I would push the button my oxygen level would drop and I would have to will myself to breath deeply.  Tuesday night came and went with the nursing staff interrupting my sleep every hour to "check on me" Why does that have to include turning on some bright light to see the machines that are all back lit up?? Just saying.  Wednesday morning came with the Dr coming in and asking me how I was doing.  I thought I was doing good so she proceeded to tell me about my surgery.  She said that almost the minute I got in the surgery room my IV blew and they quickly had to find another one in any place they could find one. ( I was well asleep by then) They begin to hook me up to the DeVinci machine and cant get through.  The Dr said inside I was nothing but a wall of adhesion's. She had expected to see a few with 2 c sections, opened appendix surgery(pre orthosopic) and then gallbladder.  What she found was my uterus, bladder and abdominal wall stuck together with scar tissue.  She had to cut apart my bladder from my uterus and my uterus from  my ab wall before it could be removed.  This 3 hour procedure turned into a 5 hour procedure.  Apparently the Anesthesiologist had a huge sigh of relief when it was all over with because I was having complication while under. I don't know what was happening just know he was glad it was over! She also said that after I heal from this I will have to go  back into the hospital for a bladder sling since she had to detach it from everything it was touching. So another surgery in September.
After this discussion she decided to take my pain pump out so she could "adjust my oral medicine to see which one will be best for me" So pain pump out I go from a pain scale of 3 to 10 in about an hour. Telling the nurse this is NOT working I need something now.  They bring in the good stuff which makes me develop the "narcotic itch" which is when randomly I start itching on my body and I HAVE to scratch it.  Could be on my cheek one second, my hand the next or leg...Just random itching. I didn't care I just wanted to NOT hurt. We finally got most of the pain taken care of however my back starting hurting.  Dr said its common after this surgery for backs to hurt.  The Dr said she would be come back sometime Wednesday night between 5 and6p to see how I was doing.  After getting started on the Vicodin Dennis and I would start our walking the halls.  They wanted me walking and going potty before they would even think about me going home. I walked about 5 times through out the day and yes it took sometime but my bladder did start working. The Dr showed back up at aroun6ish and said she thought I would be good to go home.  However the paperwork took them 3 hours to write up, so I finally got out around 930 and living over an hour away we had to take a break somewhere along the way. I was finally in my chair to sleep at around 1130.  Wednesday night went OK, pain medicine worked OK except for my back.  Thursday and Friday both went OK, back still hurt.  Sat so far has been OK, no pain medicine yet except for Advil.  However the back is still killing me.  We even had a massage therapist come yesterday and rub on me for an hour to try to get me some relief.  I am still taking it real easy, Dennis and the boys are taking great care of me. Just pray for me this recovery is going to be long and even though my body might feel better I am still pretty restricted on what I can do for 6 weeks. IF you have an extra moment and don't mind me being slow come by to visit or lets go to lunch.  I cant drive but would still love to get out of the house for a bit. Just call, email or face book me.

Surgery

   As some of you know I will be have major surgery, a hysterectomy.  Part of me has been very excited about it but part of me is scared and sad about it. They have found a cyst that is located both on the inside and outside of my uterus and they know its at least the size of a tangelo but it could be bigger once they get in there.  I have had menstrual issues for years.  Heavy bleeding, long painful cycles, sometimes on cycles more than I am not.  So it is time.  I have really prayed about it over the years...I want it to be Gods will, not just my own. 
   My struggle with it though is thinking about my children, my 4 children that have been in my womb, 3 who have been born and one who is my Angel in Heaven.  I love and am crazy about my boys here at home but my heart ofter struggles with that little one whom I have never seen in person! The one that God gave me dreamlike glance at, who is up there with Him, with her red bouncy pigtails, and crooked smile that I have imagined in my head my times over.  If fact I am so sure it was A girl I remember once being in a store in Salado where they had porcelain dolls in it and there was a curly red headed baby doll that made me break down for over an hour.  I remember going and talking to the store owner about Mikayla and she took me over to a rocking chair and let me hold and coddle that doll for as long as I needed to.  God really gave me peace over it.  Sure I still wonder and cry over the fact she would have been 12 April 1st.  I know sometimes I see little girls and just want to love and hug on them.  I know when I am battling a depression kind of day she is who the Devil puts in my mind to play tricks on me with the what ifs game. 
   This is when I cry then step back and look at the boys he did put here on Earth with me!  I have my oldest Garon who is 18 (a month away from being 19, I have Dalton who is 14(2 months from being 15), and Wyatt 11(1 month from12) and add in one more via marriage DW, 15 whom might not be "mine from within but is just one of my boys"  I look at them and think Man, God is so good.  I often hear people say"God has a special place for moms of all boys!"  I sometimes wonder, but I think its just because he is a father to his own son Jesus.  He watched over Mary and Joseph as they raised his son.  To watch him become the Man he always knew he would become.  Its a proud day when we here on earth get to tell our children"I am Proud in what you have become!"  I imagine what it was like the day that Jesus heard that from him Heavenly Father.
   So why all this over  hysterectomy well this is where my babies lived and died.  They are a part of me, this is going to remove this part.  I know its for the best, I know it will help me feel better, I know....I know....I know.  This is my choice and I will live with this choice that this could be something more serious , I will make this choice so that I am still here for when my boys get a lot older and marry , I will see my daughter in laws(whom I have prayed over since my boys were babies) and for any future grandchildren.  Dennis and I often talk about one of these day blah blah blah...And I want "one of these days" to happen...I want to be the most "awesomeness" mother in laws, I want to the greatest Granny, and I cant wait to see what God has planned for Dennis and I when our boys all grow up....The subject of our boys is a whole other post...There many struggles there to.  So just send your prayers to me July 19th as I start an new stage in my life.  I will continue to Pray for Gods guidance and that HIS will be made known. 
God Bless J
To the world, you are one person, but to one person, you are the world!

Taking the time

So after having a week by myself(minus the oldest one being home when he wasn't working), I have decided that Dennis and I need some time together, just the two of us.  Its that time of year when all the other boys are at their other parents house for summertime.  This is the first time that Garon isn't going on a Mission Trip in July where Dennis and I get a week without anyone but ourselves at home.  This year Dennis and Garon are going on a hiking right of passage camp in July to the Continental Divide in Colorado.
So I am sending off Garon to his Grandparents/Aunts House for a few days.  We, Dennis and I, to keep our marriage strong know that sometimes we have to take time alone without kids to keep our marriage going strong.  This year has been a monumental for us.  We celebrated 5 years married on June 3, 2011. We want to have many more years together and since we are both divorced previously and chose to remarry and have a blended family, its very easy to become another statistic.  We know that we have to keep God in the middle and then actively work on our marriage.  To work on it we MUST and DO take time to be together alone with no kids from time to time.
So what are we going to do this year? WE usually go to a B&B that our computers and cell phones don't work so well, but with him being gone last week for Scout camp he cant take 2 weeks off from his business, I hope that we can at least get away for a day or two to just chill and relax with no TV. I will take whatever little bit of time we can get together.  I love my children, but to be a great mother I must be a great wife to my wonderful hubby! So at the end of the month we will have a few days alone with NOT one kid around! YEAHHHHHHH! So don't call or come by unannounced we may or may not be here or might just not answer!
J
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!

This week in my life

What have I learned this week? Well I have learned that sometimes being in a house in the silence is truly something  that is needed so you can refocus on yourself.  That sometimes we get so busy with everyone else in our lives that we need to have a moment or two to reflect upon ourselves.  This is my week for it.  Dennis, DW, Dalton, and Wyatt are all gone to Boy Scout camp for a week.  I have Garon here but I have kinda kicked him out through out the week so momma could get some momma time. 
One thing I have learned about myself is though, I don't handle stress well.  This week we ran out of ice at the snow cone shop.  You cant make snow cones if you dont have ice to make it with.  I have sat and cried over the lost sales today becuase of it.  I have had my bubble popped in the business world when I go to buy more ice and get told that "You are just a small fish in the ice business, so I have none to sell to you!" So guess what Reddy Ice I will now drive to New Braunsfel to get ice because THEY want my business!  And they are upset that they cant deliver here because we are out of their district.  They have product that we need but cant help but  they will save me some to come and get.
I have learned though I am an eatter when it comes to stress, when I am mad I just want to eat anything and everything healthy or unhealthy!  That when I chose the unhealthy food it doesn't make me feel better, in fact its making me sick to my stomach! 
I have feel like I am swimming along with a broken arm barely staying afloat.  I have the peace to know that tomorrow will get better but today is just one of those days.
I have kept up my food journal and its shown that I have been very moody this week, and have made some great choices but I have also made some bad choices, but you know what THATS OK! Sure its a struggle but isnt life? 
OH I have also started doing a Bible reading when I am hungry.  Before I go and get something to eat I stop and read a radom passage to see if I am really hungry or Hungry.(Refer back to another blog about little h or H) Its helped me remain focused on whats important.  Although today being the kind of day it is even that did not quintch the thirst or want that I craved. 
Tomorrow is another day, it will be better than today and I will have my smile back.  I won't grit my teeth to pretend its a good day because Good Lord willing I will wake up in the morning and that makes it a good day, and I wont let the devil get his foothold on me!
Jen

To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!

Weight Issues

So as many of you know I have been on Weight Watchers now for a month.  I have lost 5.2 pounds and am holding steady.  I do know that I have got to go head strong into this starting now or I won't make the weight limit for Sailing next year! I dont know why this last week or two has been a hard struggle. This weeks meeting was about keeping track of stuff besides the food you eat.  For instance some have to track gas going in and going out, mileage for work, shopping lists, things to do list etc.  IF you keep track of these things that are important to you then you should be able to keep your list of foods.  By tracking your foods you can make sure you are eatting your points the correct way.  It keeps you in check to make sure you have your full servings of fruits,veggies, protein, fats etc.  Tracking makes you accountable for every little thing you put in your mouth!
How many times have you started with the "Im going to do this for a month" but lose track with what you were doing after a few day?  Well thats how tracking can help. 
Think about hearing the term"I am an emotional eatter!"  What does that  mean really?  Well to figure that out part of your life your are eatting.  WW says to classify your hunger with H or h.  H meaning you look around and can see something that is of the right choice off of WW and you eat it. h means you look around food and when looking you think"there is nothing good to eat in this house!" Or I am not craving anything in this house.  When you think if the "h" there is usually an emotion to go along with it...its boredom, depression, happiness, sadness, anger, ???Stop right then and make a note in your food journal about what you were feeling at that very moment.  This will help you identify why and when your eatting.
I challenge you along with myself to food/emotional journal for one week, I think we will all be suprised on what we eat and why we eat it. Would love to hear from you how you and your weight journey is going if you are struggleing with weight like I am.  Remember you are not alone here there are millions of people that are obese/overweight just like I am and sometimes you need all the support from near and afar to help you when you stuggle.
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person you are the world!

Sometimes you Just Have to Laugh!

Take the time to laugh! Life can get so stressful at times and you just need to stop and laugh because if you don't your just gonna scream?  Well our lives this week have been just this! Let me start at the beginning. Tuesday morning I go to leave to head to the store and have flat tire in  the van.  Tuesday night we are just laying down to go to sleep I remove my glasses and SNAP they break in half.  Wednesday we get up early to head to New Bransfels so I can get an exam and new glasses, but the Doctor that normally is there is off on Wednesday's(it doesnt say that in the phone book or online), so we start calling around the nearest place to get eye exam is San Marcos.  So off we go to San Marcos, I get my eye exam and head back to New Bransfels to have them make the glasses I have already picked up.  They tell us come back in about 2.5 hrs later.  We hang out at different places for about 2 hours, we show up to get them and they still need time to make them.  More waiting....we finally get one set of glasses (the most important ones) and wait some more for my sunglasses.  45 mins later they are having a problem getting the lens died to the same color, so "I am sorry but they wont be ready till tomorrow so we will just mail them to you!"  So 6 hours later, I have eye exam, new glasses and waiting on the prescription sunglasses. On the way home Dennis gets a call, someones system is down so he drops me off at home goes back out to the car and its DEAD!  I mean dead as a doornail! We have only been out of the car for 5 mins! So now we  have a van with flat and tire is off the rim, and a second car with dead battery.  He grabs the 3rd car to head to work.  The kids and I get the flat of the van, try jumping the car (which wont jump).  Thank Goodness for great friends! They take me to at least get the tire filled and back on the rim.  The boys get spare back on and I whisper to the Van "Baby girl you just gotta hold air till tomorrow morning so I can get you some new tires!" WE check the charging battery on car still dead! Thursday morning, we have made an appointment in Austin to get new tires, however first we come out to a flat tire, we get it filled up and PRAY that it will make it and we do! Yeah......So we get home with new tires, and a new battery for car.  Dennis quickly changes out battery!So now all cars are running. 
This is also the weekend that the Scouts are heading out to scout camp, so we start getting paperwork together and pick up the brief case and it breaks into pieces.....Thats when I start laughing! Laughing restores the broken spirit! Laughing restores sanity when sanity fails! Laughing makes everyone else wonder what your up to!   So take the time to LAUGH!!!!
Jen
To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world

Kids Room

Well today as I look down the hall and see the bedroom that the 3 boys share.  I wonder where they heck they get all that crap!  I will be entering into the dark dirty room and doing what they boys call "momma clean" which means mom goes through clothes, toys and whatever else is in there and get rid of trash bags full of stuff.  Like clothes that dont fit anymore will go to GCAM, broken toys thrown away etc!
I try to do this once or twice a year while they are all gone so they dont see what all is disappearing. hehehehehe
I always hope that maybe just this once they will see how it looks to be nice and organized and keep it that way but usually doesnt stay like that for long.  Although I do have hope it will  stay clean since they will be gone for most of the summer!

I do wonder though do their lives reflect such dirty room?  Does their school work? Does their minds get all cluttered because their rooms are that way too?  I know we go to Church and do Scout stuff to keep us "clean" with His word, to keep them busy with Scouts to keep them "clean" in things to do outside of the house.  To build their skills as boys growing into men. 
So why cant they keep their rooms clean?  I know they get it from me, I am not one to be bothered with a clean house, I am a pretty cluttered person.  They used to tease me when I was a teacher  assistant that my desk was horrid  but I knew what was on my desk and could always find what I was looking for at anytime. Its a skill that I have to work one everyday.  I did marry a guy who knows I am this way but loves me anyway however I am getting better and I do throw out alot more that I used to.
So wish me luck! I better get started because if I don't it just wont get done! J

To the world, you are one person, to one person, you are the world!